Emergency in the Dail
The entire Fianna Fail Cabinet was rushed to Blackrock private clinic,from Leinster House today, by a fleet of ambulances.The symptoms indicated an outbreak of deadly Avian flu better known as "chicken flu".
"The infected patient withdraws into a state of complete paralysis of the body politic,after a short incubation period,and it is fatal in 99% of cases.
"They certainly contracted it in Bangkok or some other such exotic place,while on government business" said Doctors, Rabbite and Kenny,two specialists in tropical medicine.
An epidemia is not feared,as the fact that the road traffic infrastructure,extra public transport availibility,and Dublin Airport terminal privitisation are all at a standstill means that it cannot spread rapidly throughout the city.
However a limited form of deregulation/competition of drinking laws ,proposed by coalition crony 'Mad Mullah McDowell' has been cancelled due to a revolt by back bench soldiers of destiny, in order to protect the pockets of wealthy publicans. People will therefore continue to congregate in close proximity,queing for overpriced alcohol in palatial-sized city pubs, and are at grave risk af infection.
The Indigent Taxidrivers Association,declared this to be a form of deregulation discrimination. "Mary showed us no mercy when she knifed us in the back with her deregulation schemes" declared one Usher Yarafat, President of the Irish Taxi Drivers Federation.
Many of the affected taximen live in Mr Ahearns own constituency, and it is believed they will not be ferrying his voters free to the polling booths next election, as in previous elections, due to this "alleged" form of favouritism.
(Read our item Taxi-Taxi.! for the full scandal.!)
The chicken flu outbreak in Dublin is thought to be a mutant hybrid form of the S.I.P.T.U. and I.C.T.U. strain and highly infectious.
T.D.s who partake in suct activities as stroke politics,are particularly vulnerable,and there is particular concern for the lives of Mr Ahern, and Martin Cullen.
The media have also been warned against scaremongering which could trigger panic.A member of staff in R.T.E. the public broadcasting company has already been arrested for creating and disseminating scurrilous and alarming programmes relating to the growing threat which T.D.Chicken Flu poses to the health of the inhabitants of Rip Off Republic.