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A too friendly rivalry?

The leader of Fine  Gael strikes fear into the government and delivers his strongest ever tongue lashing in the Dail.Bertie reacts angrily;

"Dear Taoiseach,members of the house,ladies and gentlemen

;As my kind and gentle demeanour precludes me from calling all of you in the Fianna Fail party a bunch of hoodlums-rotten to the core-riddled with cronyism,corruption,nepotism,arrogance and blatant vote harvesting with the national treasury- I have come to this house today to say that your party,s reign in power has been marked by a few pecadillos from time to time,and I am less than pleased about this-to put it strongly- I am downright disappointed .

I reiterate Taoiseach that you have let down the Irish people on occasions too numerous to mention,and I am going to ask you if you would accept this and further if you would be so kind as to consider resigning en-block and allowing us,the custodians of the true faith, to have our long overdue " car with the star";our turn for " jollies" abroad; jobs for our own people; and of course access to the brimful, national coffers...

Our patience in this matter is not inexhaustible as you continue to give us so many opportunities to criticise your -dare I say- botched,handling of the affairs of state.

Be advised I shall have even stronger words to say before next election day. We are hiring a big American P.R. "counter-spin"election consultancy outfit-just as expensive as the one you have retained for years,confusing the electorate with untruths and cleverly crafted press releases.!"

Your loyal opponent, in the spirit of good fellowship,and friendly rivalry.

Enda Kenny

(Bertie strikes back;)

Dear Enda,

"Thank you for those well deserved words of rebuke,although I must reiterate that we in fianna Fail are now engaged in a programme for re-election and have implemented numerous stratagems to ensure that whatever you may say about us , we can,and we will, make the people smile-and be happy for a while ...

We have lots of dosh to dispense- the biggest slush fund in history-in fact,and the electorate can pay us back when its over -no hurry....So enjoy!,the good times are rolling for everybody.

All you finn Gaelers are doing well enough too. We have looked after the big farmers even better than the small ones.! Why would you need this job anyway,what with the hassle I sometimes have to put up with, from the media, etc.

Nobody with an ego smaller than mine, would want it for diamonds.! So on your tractor Enda " go back and plough your fields. This is no job for gentlemen farmers.!"

Yours affectionately,Bertie.