Open letter to Bertie Ahern from a black Taxi driver:
A friend has told me dat Fianna Fail have recently re-opened dere membership list North of the Border.I am sorry dat I dont live North of the Border and have never been a member of the SDLP whose members you are currently courtin ,according to the newspaper, but I tink I deserve a hearin just de same..now dat your membership list is open
First let me tell you, I am very ambitious to get to the top in Fianna Fail..I have been described as "a ruthless and cunning bas**rd", by my own father.
I wonder would you consider enlisting me (a "Dub" ) in the "St Lukes Drumcondra Chapter" of yure wunderful organization.? I know dat most of de members are white Culchies so you need more of de mixed races to balance de mixture in de Dail. You dont have enough black "Dubs" at present in Fianna Fail.
Of course,let me correct dat by saying that I am not a "true-blue-Dub"(gurrier) in the derogatorie sense of de word, as me Ma and Da just happened to be in Dublin waiting for dere work permits, when I was born in de Rotunda hospital.
Dey were both born in de Rotunda hospital too.My Grandparents all came from Zimbabwe together and landed in Dublin airport wid tourist visas before de immigration control got picky dere, an started sendin back people.
My grandparents all met in Ireland when dey were living in an old warehouse in the village of Myshall in County Carlow which a local Fianna Fail activist had converted to house the asylum seekers. Dey fell in love, an married, but I know you wont hold de colour of my skin or dere origin against my application.Its funny I suppose me family were de first black Culchies settlers in Ireland, in a way- like when de Mayflower sailed into America wid de first batch of whitie settlers from England.!
(Can I just add dat I cannot understand why you are canvassing recruits from dat bunch of spineless s**ts in the SDLP,as none of them have ever lifted a finger-or an Armalite- to help free ould Ireland-in their lives! but I suppose you are puttin de boot in now dat you have Paysley on de run.)
I have studied the history of Fianna Fail and aldough I was not in Ireland during de War of Independence, I would certainly have fought against dose british bas**rds if I had been, as my great grandfather was in the Mau Mau in Kenya and drove de british out of Africa, after cuttin off dere testicles an drinkin dere blood which gave us inner strenght to continue wid de slaughter until dey had left.
I know dat your own Da-like all respectable Fianna Failers- was a republican and a traditional old-I.R.A. trouble maker.
I know di difference between dose good Fianna Fail republicans who ambushed de British on di roadways, an shot dem dead in a fair fight..
( http://www.soldiersofdestiny.org/murderfarm.htm ) -an dose evil murderous provo republicans of Gerry Adams who planted bombs in public bars an blew poor civilians to smidereens.
I know yer dad (God rest im) was tormented by the Special Branch of the Gardai forces every day of his life when he was alive, (overtime hungry bas**rds !) and dat his credentials as a real patriot facilitated your membership of dat wonderful political organization ( Fianna Fail ) which supports Hurling, and Gaelic Football, an speakin irish (sorry cant do dat eider) and makes property developers rich, and kills off troublesome Dublin gurriers on hospital waiting lists and rules the Irish Free Farmers State- which is now de envy of de Free World ( Russia and Iraq etc) because of all de houses bein sold for more dan half a million euros.
I am prepared to endure all kinds of privacie (privations?) on behalf of the party. I will sleep rough if need be in de Mornin Star Hostel for down an outs in Brunswick Street,or any place designated by the party while I am climin de ladder of success.. I will shack up wid any bird (of any colour)as long as shes not ugly or over 60.(Dat Celias a cute bird) Me memory is notoriously bad , since I got ill from Malaria when I was a child , visitin me relations in Zimbabwe, which failing I understand is a useful asset in government.
Sometimes I forget whad I did yesterday!.(When Ive been smokin a joint the night before) Money is not an issue wid me as long as people keep fillin up me strongbox. I often tink dat you Mr Ahern, an Mr Mugabe must be swoppin ideas de way ye both keep winnin all dose elections!
As for my safe, Its a big one an its buried in concrete in de floor of me house. I understand you too have a big strongbox in Drumcondra.I read in de papers dat Cement Roadstone wouldnt take any money for it after dey set it in concrete, take my tip bud,- dont tell yer man Callely dat or he will cause trouble! Id was wise of you to give him a big job when he lost his seat in de Dail. we are very alike! Like you, I have never trusted banks. I never count past ten as I never finished me education as an accountant (I was alwas mitchin from school,an playing with snakes when I went back to de jungle for me school holliers or sayin rosaries wid de nuns in de mission school ) but I know you wont hold dat against me cause your a bit like dat too..de rosaries an church goin an all.You must be de holiest politician in de hole world, an people like dat..
I dont know any multi-millionaire publicans, or even plasterers,but I am a good mixer and can blend in easily with all kinds of people-as long as dey are very wealthy and generous to a fault.
I have some (distant)connections wid de irish War of Independence, ye may like to know. My granddads school teacher in Uganda was an irish missionary nun and told him dat her mother and her da and her granny were all I.R.A. activist in the War of Independence. Seems the granny was nearly shot one night when de Black & Tans raided her house in Thurles, because de family worked for de railway and carried secret messages for de rebels. De Tans had information dat dey was hiding dispatches for de freedom fighters. (de messages were hurriedly hidden in de ailing grannys bloomers), and de Tans battered down de door of de house,an ransacked de house an rushed up to de grannys bedroom and searched everywhere, except in her bloomers.! tick geezers, its de first place de women pick to hide de Cocaine, an antin else dey dont want discovered.!Bloody X ray machines-sorry wad was I sayin- oh yeah about my application to join Berties team..
I luve soccer but I cant stand dat Gaelic futball stuff its kinda like bastardized rugby -but wurse -an id bores me stiff-but I will sit prominently in Croke Park during all hurling matches, if me duties demand id as I know de G.A.A vote is very important and de hurlin is kinda like tribal warfare widout spears, its a pity dey wear dose head shields nobody gets dere skull beaten in anymore.
Considerin me impeccable family background ,as one of de first of many of de black irish Mayflowers to arrive,(even dough id was in an aeroplane) I feel that you will feel obligated to admit me to de "Golden Circle" of Fianna Fail, as de first coloured T.D. in de dail.I want to die a very rich man-and I want immunization ( Ed-immunity? ) from Tribunals and anybody else dat might try to bring me grief or otherwise besmirch my reputation I have been told dat no member of Fianna fail has ever been convicted of any corrupt activities so your organization would suit me perfectly, man nobody wants to do time while dey are climbin de ladder of success.Gee Mugabe should get lessons from you guys, ( he might need the phone number of yer legal team in Ireland one of dese days de way people are gangin up on im, de way dey are on you too. Disgraceful.) Dats all for now.
Your humble and obedient (black) servant,Potential candidate for Dublin North Central, Moore St, Parnell St, Phibsboro,-an wherever you need de black vote.
Thomas Roosavelt Mugumbo, Drumcondra.
P.S. In the event of my application being refused I will report you to the government anti-discrimination agencies and go public in de papers wid de matter, an bring you before de appropriate Tribunal.
By Kevin Myers
Wednesday September 05 2007
All right, you know about the Government's latest move to outlaw beggars? Do you really think it's really about beggars? It isn't. It's about immigrant-beggars, who now throng our streets.
We could, of course, deal with the substantive matter, that of immigration itself, but instead we prefer to deal with its symptoms -- and in the usual cowardly way in which we address anything which is a little difficult or embarrassing.
Now look: I'm not a complete fool. People don't turn columnists to read the same stuff, day after day after day. Yet that's what I've been doing, endlessly writing on this same subject.
No doubt by this time, the one reader left is some old wino sitting in a doorway in his own personal pool of warmth, scanning these few column inches in the belief that these are the greyhound results. No matter. Here I go again.
Immigration is now not merely the dominant feature of Irish life, it is the greatest threat to the existence of the Irish nation as a coherent, and cohesive whole.
No country has ever accepted, never mind assimilated, the volumes of foreigners now present in this state. We have some 400,000 legal immigrants; but everyone knows that the army of illegals, especially Africans and Chinese, is vast, and probably tops 200,000. In all, Ireland has received at least 600,000 immigrants, most of them within the past five years. It could be many more. No one has the least idea.
In the US, such immigration would translate into an inward population movement of 45 million. In the UK, the figure would be nine million. Needless to say, neither state would be so idiotic or feckless as allow such vast numbers to enter.
Only Ireland would be so idiotic and so morally lethargic as to allow such massive inward population movements.
And of course, we haven't got the resources to cope with the consequences of such an influx. But worse than our lack of resources, is our lack of courage in confronting the issue.
We do not have policies, but inept evasiveness: and perhaps worst of all, we have a posturing gallery of home-grown jackanapes ready to shriek "racism" wherever and whenever they see that things are not going quite the way that immigrants want.
Thus, on any discussion on RTE, especially from its newsroom, immigrants are never held responsible for choosing to come here. Instead, we hear endless complaints that Irish institutions had not prepared themselves properly for their arrival.
On the News at One on Monday, African after African in Balbriggan complained there were no places for their children in the existing local schools.
Not once was the question posed: what was the real reason for the Africans not having places in schools? Answer: they'd only just come here.
Instead, Africans who were just off the boat were allowed to accuse us of racism for not having school places awaiting their children.
There's also the Paddy- factor in all this. It's impossible for any outsider to understand that this state is almost pathologically incapable of planning anything.
This is the land of the Red Cow Roundabout and motorways without service stations, rest-stops or toilets. So how could we be expected seven years ago to have planned school-building projects in north county Dublin for Africans as yet unborn?
If blaming ourselves for our failure to plan for Africa's educational needs were not fatuous enough, some poor spokeswoman from the Catholic archdiocese of Dublin had to defend the Catholic Church against an RTE journalist's accusations of bigotry.
Naturally, in this unprincipled liberal Ireland, for the Catholic Church to insist that Catholic schools have a primary duty to educate Catholics is nowadays both racist and sectarian.
But of course, no one on RTE would ever dream of proposing that Islamic madrasahs should take in Jewish, Catholic or Hindu pupils: in the new Ireland, the only people who are expected to bend their own rules are the Irish Catholic majority.
Accompanying this presumption is the pious and all-prevalent dogma that immigrants will on arrival abandon ancient loyalties, and will promptly don a Hibernian mantle: hence the brainless cliche, wittered endlessly by journalists and politicians alike, "the New Irish".
Kevin Myers writes:
Sorry. This is conceited gibberish. Why would a Pole surrender something which the Polish people have fought for a thousand years to retain?
Why the presumption that an Asian Muslim who lives in Ireland is in any way Irish?
My mother lived most of her life in England, but never for a second thought of herself as English.
The media should be asking the big question, 'Why are we still admitting hundreds of thousands of immigrants?'
Instead, we are obsessing with the relatively trivial question of: Are the Irish people, who after all have admitted vast armies of strangers to their national home, racist?
This is self-hatred at its most pathetic, and its most self-defeating.
Whether Irish people are "racist" is irrelevant. We have created a society whose apparent cohesiveness is totally dependent on immigration-fuelled economic growth. That growth must one day come to an end.
Then what, in Darndale, Coolock, or even Balbriggan?