Parley and Party time in the Phoenix Park .
. In the spring of 2004,Bertie prepared to welcome the new entrants to the exclusive E.E.C. Club.President Bush had plans to come a calling.It was a busy time for the ‘Soldiers’what with local elections also on the agenda. Dublin City was being fortified like a Wild West army fort preparing for an attack by hostiles.The Fianna Fail Saga continued unabated. Fort Dublin Castle was still occupied by tribunal lawyers,and running short of ammunition since ‘ Big Tom’Gilmartin had left town after giving damning testimony.
The Phoenix Park ranch- where Sheriff Bertie , Big Burlosconi, and other ‘top guns’ were preparing to hole up in ‘Homeleigh House ’to parley and party for a long weekend, while celebrating the arrival of the new E.E.C. member states, -was surrounded by various law enforcement agencies,and army anti missile attack teams.
Demonstrations by‘ anti-globalists’ in cahoots with imported british Anarchists were rumoured to be a feature of the big event. Not many anti-war activists took to the streets for the planned peaceful demo’s however, as the frightful forces which Bertie had fielded would have routed a brigade of Rommel’s heavy panzer corps,let alone a few unarmed civilians.
The Gardai were the main beneficiaries as usual.The demo was a damp squib ,but millions of Euros in overtime was paid out of the bottomless purse of the Exchequer(citizens tax booty) to the Garda Siochana(Irish police force).Many of the farmers sons who represent this stalwart force take early retirement due to the strain of policing the Emerald Isle of Ireland.When they get in the way of a flying beer bottle,or they get knocked about by lawless villians who have no respect for the uniform,they are permitted to seek compensation through the courts for injuries and so forth.The generosity of our legal profession has made many of them young millionaires overnight.These lucky ones usually retire early, and go into the security business or property speculation, with their new found wealth.!One young Guard of my acquaintance(I kid you not) has been very wisely travelling around the world on luxury cruises while studying the property market. That particular over generous judge was retired forcible from the bench shortly afterwards....it seems that there are limits to what even Bertie can afford to pay the stalwart boys in blue.
This excitement had barely abated,when the opposition parties began baying for the Minister for the Environment’s blood ,when the 50 million euro electronic voting machines he bought were ruled unsafe after an independent investigation team into the whole business had concluded their deliberations.
Martin ‘Cu’ Cullen,however ,shouting defiance at the lynch mobs from the rooftops of his Kildare Street hideout. Waved his twin pistols threateningly,he drew deep on his home cut tobacco roll,cigarette, and snarled at the ugly crowd of Labour and Finn Gaelers, in a raw throaty growl.. ‘I'm not leavin’ town ..and nobody’s gonna make me go’ !
.Meanwhile the bounty hunters from the opposition coalition circle like vultures, and lie in wait for their chance to attack again.However Leinster House was considered impregnable for the time being.In June the street mobs may strike a more dignified blow for democracy..at the polling booths..but nothing is certain in the current confusion of battle.
(Martin pulled a better stroke in August of that year when he decided to use his new found electronic internet skills to legislate draconian powers,vesting complete power to himself, with respect to ‘one-off-housing planning applications.A government press release announced his intentions.Fianna Fail have a superb public relations team.When Bertie’s bunch either screw up or are involved in some nefarious new project which would normally irritate the electorate,their press office concocts a load of incomprehensible verbiage which requires an expert in hieroglyphics to read,and when finally decoded, turns dissembling into an art form .I give you an example of the genre,further on,in Martin Cullens press release on electronic planning permissions.)